What do I mean by that?
Remember how we talked about the list of requirements? (click here for the blog post: A List of Requirements) I am referring to that post. He might be a nice guy to date, but would you want to marry him? Does he measure up to all the "Needs" of your list? (Remember that the "waits" are not vital, they are just "wants") And remember too that we decided that dating was dangerous.
So what should we do instead of dating?
Before I answer this question, I must point out two things something.
1. We have become so dependant on dating that we have forgotten that it has only been around for a little while.
2. We have forgotten what people did before dating when they were interested in a member of the opposite gender.
Now that I have pointed that out, I shall answer the question:
Courting.
I know what you are thinking "Not courting! You have no fun when your court!" and things along that line. Stay with me!
Remember that getting to know a person before you marry them is not suppose to be "fun". It is about getting to know the person and seeing if you and he make a good team/match. When you are married you can't afford to go out to eat every day (or even every week); that money will be used for other things! And marriage will be hard at points, so why should life before you marry?
Now, back to courting.
Courting has 7 benefits over dating (it probably has more, but these are the things I can think of right now).
1. He asks your dad if he can court you
This means no asking the boy yourself! No worrying or sweating about what to say; that's his job. And the cool thing is if you don't like him, you can use your dad as an excuse! What do I mean by that? If you know this guy does not measure up to your requirements (your Needs, not wants) or if you just don't like him, you can ask your dad to shoo him away for you. You don't have to do a thing! If your dad is not available, ask a brother or your mom. They can help too!
2. You get to know him in a friendly atmosphere
You can watch him interact with other people other than yourself. How does he react when he is happy, excited, angry, frustrated, or sad? How does he act with other females? What qualities does he have when not being on his best behavior? These are all things that you can do when not on a date.
3. You get to know him in a family atmosphere
Most of the time with dating you want to be alone, or with other couples that are dating or going on the same date. But what about his family? How does he treat his sister and what respect does he show his mother? Does he honor his father's authority? Does the family think highly of him? The way he treats his sister and the respect he shows his mother will be the same way (not the exact same, but similar) he treats you. If he honors his father's authority he will also honor your father and it shows that he respects authority. If his family thinks highly of him it shows that he has good qualities. They would know; they've lived with him.
4. You get to know him when you are not wearing your "Rose Colored Glasses"
You can see him in real life, not behind glass. How does he handle his money? Does he tithe to the Church? Does he have a job that can support you and any possible children you might have?Would he be a good husband/father? Is he ready to get married? These facts usually go unnoticed or unchallenged when couples are dating. But they need to be addressed. These are things that are important and we are just letting them slip by and pass it as "we are just having fun".
5. He gets to know you
He gets to know about how you act in a friendly atmosphere. He gets to know about your family life. He gets to know how you handle your money, would you be a good wife/mother, and whether or not you are ready to get married.
6. You get to be yourself around him
He knows about your family. He knows how you act in a friendly atmosphere where all your attention is not on him. He knows how you handle your money, knows if you would be a good wife/mother and if you are ready to marry or if he and you should wait. You don't have to worry if your hair is not completely perfect or your make-up is too much or to little. You don't have to worry about what you are wearing all the time or if you match. You don't have to clean up your room so it is spotless 'cause he knows you are messy! What a relief! You don't have to act perfect anymore! You can't act perfect because you are not perfect! I'm not either and neither is he! You don't have to pretend around him. Just be you. You can be you around him!
7. You won't give some of your heart away
Remember the cake? Remember us being the princesses? (if not, click here: Is Dating Dangerous? Part 1)
You only court if you are planning to marry him. So if you court you are ready to get married, right? And he is ready too. He is not planning to dump you; he really means the "Until death do we part" section of the marriage vow, and so should you. Sometimes courting couples decide not to marry or continue courting, but it is not for silly reasons like in dating. It is for real reasons, not some excuse of a reason like in dating. Having the idea that when you court you are considering him for marriage is better than dating. Why? Because with dating you are expected to break up and it is almost never the intent to marry, or, at least, not for a while (see the blog post "Is Dating Dangerous? Part 1" for more details), while in courting you are prepared to get married.
So, courting has at least 7 Benefits that dating does not. Now, I am not saying that you can't go (every once and a while) hang out by yourselves, but why would you want to? What does he (or you) have to tell the other person alone that he can't tell in front of his (or your) parents? It might be nice to be alone with him, but if you are planning on marrying him (and that is the only reason you court him) you will have time to be alone with him.
Keep Blooming!
Princess Catherine WhiteRose
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