Is Courting Old-Fashioned?

Have you ever played "Pokemon Ruby (or Sapphire) Version" before?


Well, in it, you go to an island, and a boy is walking around and asks you what is "hip, happening, and trendy." He'll say that "Mystery Radio" (or something else that strange) is "in", and then ask if you agree. If you say "no", then he'll ask you what is the new thing that's "in". When I put something else ("Hero Girl"), he said "Yeah! That's right! 'Hero Girl', right? Isn't 'Hero Girl' the coolest or what? 'Mystery Radio'... It's, like, so five minutes ago. Now 'Hero Girl' is what's vital....!"


Now, what does this have to do with courting or dating? Well the question is "Is Courting Old-Fashioned", and that is the question I (Princess Catherine) intend to answer.



First, before the question "Is Courting Old-Fashioned" can be answered, it already assumes something else; that something else, newer and better, is here. I mean, to ask whether courting is old-fashioned means that something else is newer, right? Kinda like the "Mystery Radio" and "Hero Girl". I don't know about you, but "Hero Girl sounds a lot better than "Mystery Radio", right? But is courting better than dating?


Princess Emily shared with us how her dating experience (click here for that post), and I am sure you have heard similar stories of how dating has hurt people. Maybe it's even happened to you. The only 2 "benefits" for dating I can see are

1. You spend your time worrying, enjoying, and being part of someone else's life

2. You can call them you "boyfriend" and sound adult-like

Notice that both of these are "short term"; they don't last.

Remember in the post "Now What?, Part 2" It talks about 7 real benefits of courting, and 7 real benefits is 3 times as much as 2 "benefits".


Don't worry; I'm not going to side track anymore. :)

So, is courting old-fashioned, or is dating "hip, happening, and trendy"?

As I mentioned in a reply to a comment on the post "What's Courting? And How is it Different From Dating?" I used the mailbox comparison "Also, some old fashioned things aren't bad. For example, mail. Now that we have e-mail, why do we still have mail boxes? Because they are still useful. It's kinda like that with courting. :)" (see the whole comment here) Or what about doors? "Doors?" You might be wondering, but think about it. We have all these automatic doors (in libraries, churches, schools, etc.), but what type of door do you have at your house? A "plain" old door that is fashioned (made) like the ones in Laura Ingall's time (the author who wrote the "Little House" book series)! So, the point is, old fashioned isn't always bad.

But although courting itself was practiced in the "Little House" times and farther back, it survived because of what? If something is useless, than it isn't used, right? Well, if courting was useless, than how come people from the 1800's (and people farther back in history) used courting instead of dating? How come they didn't invent dating if they needed it? "OK, OK!" You might be thinking "But what about now? Someone invented it now, so is it needed? Is courting now useless?"

Well, first off, as many stories -fiction and non fiction, of today and in the past- have shown us that courting is a good way of getting to know the other gender. But there's always someone who wants to "shake up the status quo", and so dating began. I looked to see who "formally" started dating, but I didn't get an answer. So, even though courting is old, I don't see it as old-fashioned. It's still useful, it's not out-of-date (no pun intended)(although on the pun, it kinda is "out of date" because it's courting, not dating. ;), and it's benefits are more than those of dating. People see dating's the new "in", so then, just like that boy on the Pokemon game they think courting is "so five minutes ago", as if that makes it wrong!

I'm sorry for those who have been patiently waiting (or wanting) for the end of this "blog entry", where I would tell them a simple "yes" or "no" answer. OK, so here are my answers.


Although courting is old, it isn't old fashioned. It's still useful and beneficial, but our society wants what's "hip, happening, and trendy" not what will be better in the long run. Dating's happening everywhere and it's started a "trend". So, again "Courting isn't old-fashioned, it's just dating's new!"

Now that I've officially answered your question (that I asked and answered for you :), I'll end this blog entry for you to comment! :)

Princess Catherine ~*~

Bonus Question: Does It Matter What You Call It?

Bonus Question:

Dating, courting. Courting, dating. Does it matter what you call it?

Can you call dating, courting and/or courting, dating?

Answers:

I (Catherine) don't see why it bothers people when I say "I'm not going to date, I'm going to court!". Is it the word "courting"? Or is it that they are afraid I won't "meet that someone special" if I don't "make myself available" because I'm courting?

That being said, does it really matter what you call it?

This is my opinion, but I say yes. Here's why.

If you call something a cucumber, but it is really a zucchini, and you were expecting a cucumber, wouldn't you be a little surprised when your "cucumber" tasted like a zucchini instead of a cucumber?

What do I mean by that?

Look at it this way.

When you here the word "date" (not date like a date on the calendar or the food ;) or "dating" what do you think?

Romantic dinners in a restaurant by candle light? Going to the movies? Sitting at home and talking with your someone special? Holding hands with each other?

Notice, in all of those, you don't think of dating as a "family" activity, right? I mean, dating is for two, not three or more.

And when you hear the word "court" or "courting" what do you think of?

Sitting uncomfortably on the family room floor, the two "love birds" on opposite sides of the room and five family members in between them? The daughter rolling her eyes at her parents? Or maybe it's the son trying to inconspicuously get closer to his special girl?

If it is, you are sadly mistaken! Courting isn't the word for family's trying to divide the couple, it's the family trying to bring them together!

But if you are someone who wants to court, but calls it dating, you aren't letting the special someone know what you mean. You don't actually mean dating, you mean courting, but how do they know that? Simple; they don't.

So, does it really matter whether you call it "dating" or "courting". I think it does. But there always is another option. You could give them a list (verbally or on paper) of what your definition of dating is.

Take your pick!

Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 7: What If Someone Asks You To Date Him?

Answers


This is a question I (Catherine) see girls struggle with answering, and I've even struggled myself. What if someone asks you the question "What if someone asks you to date him?"? What would you reply?



This question can have different answers because
1. This question can be asked by someone who is asking you to date him
2. This question can be asked by someone who wants to know what you'd say if someone asked you to date him


So, for the first part of the 7th question (the boy himself asking you to date him), here are some ways to reply.........


You Could Gently........
1. Tell him that you don't date, you court.

• The way he replies to this helps you determine his character and up-bringing. What I mean is, if he says "What's courting?" you know he hasn't been brought up around courting. And if he says "I don't want to court." you know he's not for you.

2. Ask him why he wants to date you

• This will help him examine his reasons for asking you. If they are simply "Because I like you", you can ask him why. Again, this helps him examine his reasons.

3. Tell him that he has to ask your dad (or other assigned family member) if he can court you

• This will help "screen" boys. If they are to chicken to ask your dad, do they really care for you as they say they do?
• It will also allow your dad to become acquainted with this boy and he can help you decide if he fits your List Of Requirements.

Or You Could.....

4. Simply say "no".

Now, the second "part" of the question (the part that someone is asking you what you would say if someone asks you to date him). All you have to do is give one of the answers for the first "part" of the question. Example: Tell them "I would say 'I don't date. I court'." or "I'd tell him to go ask my dad!"

I hope these reasons help you!

Keep Blooming!

Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 6: How Will You Meet Someone? Aren't You Limited?

Answers for "How Will You Meet Someone?"


Again, these answers will vary with the person you are talking to. And if you have any other ideas, please comment and (with your permission, of course), we'll add it to this "journal" entry.


You Could Gently......
"*" 1. Explain to them that when it's time to meet your future husband, God will arrange it. All you have to do is wait!
2. Tell them that it's not the girls job to go find the boy, it's the boy's job to go find the girl.
3. Say that meeting someone is not a priority right now


Or You Could.........
4. Ask them how long they think dating has been around for (remember, dating has only been around for sixty years at the most)



Answers for the question "Aren't You Limited?"

You Could Gently........
"*" 1. Explain them that being limited is not bad, in fact, it makes it easier to choose a future spouse because you have put limitations on them.
2. Say that limitations aren't always bad.
3. Tell them "Yes.", but that they aren't as much limitations as they are rules for your safety

Or You Could........
4. Ask why they say that
5. Just say "Yes."


Being limited is considered bad in our society, but with this, it is a good thing. Imagine trying to find the right guy without knowing your requirements (they don't have to be written down to count, but I would recommend it!)!


Keep Blooming!


Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 5: Aren't You Lonely?

Answers

You Could Gently..........
"*" 1. Tell them that with God, you are never alone, therefore, how could you be lonely?
2. Explain that having a physical person around you isn't always the best (especially for those who like having their quiet time) (like me!)
3. Say that with a boyfriend, you might not be lonely, but you might not ever have the time to be alone.


Or You Could..........
4. Ask them why they say that


One person pointed out that you could say "I don't have a chance to be lonely because people keep coming up to me and asking me questions!", but personally, I don't think that's a good witnessing answer. So use that as a last resort! :)


Keep Blooming!


Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 4: What's Courting? And How is it Different From Dating?

Answers for "What's Courting"?

You Could Gently.........

1. Tell them that courting is this "To try to gain the love or affections of someone that you (they) to seek to marry".

2. Explain to them that courting is a way to get to know someone that you are considering to marry.

Or You Could.......

3. Ask them what they think it is

Answers for "How is it Different From Dating"

You Could Gently.........

"*" 1. Explain to them that courting is more family oriented, while dating is me oriented

"*" 2. Tell them that you court only if you are ready to get married and you are considering the person you're courting for a future spouse, while with dating, you just do it for fun (85% of the time).

3. Say that with courting, you have your family help you and stay with you though the dinners, movies, and talks while with dating it's always (or 90% of the time) you and your date alone.

4. Explain that your family approves of your choice, while in dating, it doesn't usually matter.

5. Explain that with dating, you break up often and for un-sound reasons, but with courting, you only break up for real reasons.

Or You Could.......

5. Ask them what they think

Keep Blooming!

Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 3: Why Don't You Date?

Answers:


This is a time that you get to share your beliefs about dating. I wouldn't waiste it!


You Could Gently.........
1. Explain that you would rather court
"*" 2. Give them some reasons from our posts Is Dating Dangerous? Part 1 and
Is Dating Dangerous? Part 2 (you could say something like "With dating, you could easily give some of your heart away" or "With dating you could easily break-up and start dating someone else in the same day, and that's not good practice for marriage."
3. Simply Say "Because dating isn't right for me. I court."


Or You Could Say.......
4. Because I don't want to (but then they might ask "why"?)


There are more good responses than these, but these are just some to help you. Oh, and by the way, I recommend you tell them Answer 2! :)


Keep Blooming!


Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 2: Do You Date?

Answers:

Note: If you say Answer 1 of Question 1 then you will more than likely not be asked this question.

You Could Gently.........
1. Say "No".
2. Tell them you are to young to be dating
3. Explain that you are only going to date if you are planning on marrying and you are to young and/or not ready to get married right now.
"*" 4. Tell them that you don't date, you court

*Or You Could........
5. Ask them why they care (but if you say this, it won't be a good witness if they find out you don't date, you court)
6. Tell them "No!"
7. Ask them if they date

*Again, these answers are not for poor old grandmothers.

I know that these are just some of the responses you could give, and if you have anymore, please let me know!

Thanks and Keep Blooming!

Princess Catherine ~*~

Question 1: Do You Have A Boyfriend?

Answer(s):

Each of the following answers will more than likely differ with each person that asks. For example, you wouldn't tell a poor grandmother (or great grandmother) that it's none of her business and she should quit being nosey. While on the other hand, you wouldn't be inclined to tell some snotty jerk that you are to young to be considering a future husband.

That being said, I (Catherine) am just going to give you ideas on some ways to answer Question 1: Do You Have A Boyfriend?

Note: suggested answers are marked like this "*"

You Could Gently........
"*" 1. Explain that you have decided not to have a boyfriend and not to date
2. Say you are to young to be considering a future husband
3. Say you don't have a need for a boyfriend
4. Tell them you don't have the time for a boyfriend
5. Simply say "No."

*Or You Could..........

6. Tell them it's none of their business
7. Ask them "Why do you need to know?"
8. Say "No!"

*These would not be appropriate to say to the grandmother.

Another thing I just remembered. You could simply change the subject. For example, we were going to the local grocery store and a kindly casher (trying to make a conversation) asked if I had a boyfriend. To this, my grandmother said to the casher "I agree with you; the weather is very sunny today!". This knocked the casher off topic and I didn't have to answer the question.

I hope these answers help you and if you have any other ideas on what to say, please comment!


Thanks and Keep Blooming!

Princess Catherine ~*~

A Week Of FAQs, August 16-22

Questions come in all shapes and sizes.

It could be a harmless granny trying to make a conversation. It could be a girl you meet at school or some event. Or it could be a boy.

How do you answer these questions?

There are probably more questions (and if you have more, please comment and we will try to do a post on it as soon as possible) that you can think of, but right now I (Catherine) am just going to do a week of "FAQ"s (Frequently Asked Questions).

Here are the questions we will be discussing on how to answer:

Question 1: Do You Have a Boyfriend?
Question 2: Do You Date?
Question 3: Why Don't You Date?
Question 4: What's Courting? And How is it Different from Dating?
Question 5: Aren't You Lonely?
Question 6: How Will You Meet Someone?
Question 7: What if Someone Asks You To Date Him?

I hope you will join us as we find ways to answer these questions.

Keep Blooming!


Princess Catherine ~*~

What Do You Do If Someone Has A Crush On You?

There's been a lot of talk on 'What do you do if you have a crush on someone', so now I think I'll post about what if someone has a crush on you.

But first, let's see how much you know about this already.

1). What should you do to get over a crush?
-pray.
-post their picture in your bedroom to remember them ever and always.

2). Is a crush harmful?
-yes.
-not at all. Crushes are merely practicing for when you will really fall in love.

If you said that both of the first ones were the right choice, you were right. If you said that the second answers were the right ones, then much to learn, you still have. For brush-up, go look at:

More on How Crushes Crush

and

Do Crushes Crush? And How do I get Over One.

And now on to what you do if someone has a crush on you.

1). Pray. Very important and the first step for absolutely everything.

2). Read your Bible. It has good suggestions on stuff like this (such as, 'do not be unequally yoked).

3). Talk to someone else who has more experience with stuff like this (like an older lady in the church, or your mom, or even your dad) and ask them how to deal with it. My very wise brother suggested this one. And it's a good suggestion, too! (He's looking over my shoulder as I type this, and he let out a squeak of protest as I typed the above words. Obviously he doesn't want to be famous on this blog =).

4). Don't let the person have any reason to believe you feel the same for them. That would just encourage them.

There are many more suggestions out there. If any readers have stuff to add, feel free to comment!

In Christ,

Princess Izori

Do Crushes Crush? And How Do I Get Over One?

This post was written for the person that commented as "Anonymous" on the post

"The Treaty Contest, A Note After the Poetry Contest".

I (Catherine) hope it helps you and others too! :)

Isn't it kinda strange that the word we use when we like (that type of like) someone is called a crush?

Crush (verb with object)- to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms; to force out by pressing or squeezing.

How did crush (the meaning above) become the word that we like someone? And how can we get over one?

For the first question, I (Catherine) don't have an answer. If you (the reader or readers) have an idea, please leave a comment!

For the second question, notice I did not say "And if we get a crush, how do we get over them" I said (or typed) "And how can we get over one". All of us will get one a one point. It's how we are created. If we didn't want like someone at one point, we wouldn't want to marry. And if we wouldn't want to marry, there would be no babies, no "miniatures" of our spouse. And if there are no babies, there are no humans. But the question is not who we will get a crush on, it's what we will do with it?

Here are some tips on how to get over a crush:

1. Don't Put Any Pictures of Your Crush In Your Room
Whether this means on the wall, in a frame, school picture and so on, don't hang the picture up or have it so you can see it. When you see the picture, you will think of the person and you might go back to the event that the picture happened. Then you will start getting thoughts like "Oh, I remember when ______ and I did ______ together! He was so sweet and nice!" or "He looks so handsome! Oh! He and I have the same color eyes!" (Seriously, I have heard a girl say this before!)

2. Don't Talk About Him to Your Friends
You might not like this, but girls have told me from experience that they got over a crush but when their friend asked how she and her crush were doing, she started thinking about him again. The friend did it unintentionally, but it still had the same effect. Avoiding talking to your friends about the "someone special" will help. Especially don't talk to your friends and call him your "boyfriend" because in your mind, that is what he will become.

You CAN however, ask them to pray for you. Ask them to pray that you keep your thoughts, words, and actions pure. But I would advise against telling them his name.

3. Be Practical
Does he fit all of your requirements? And if he does, think about this. If you are 20 or younger, you are not ready to get married, right?
And what about what your family thinks of him? Does your brother think he is a jerk? Does your sister think that he has a quality that is less than desirable in a future husband? Does your dad agree with having him as a future son-in-law? And what about your mom?

4. When You Think of Him, Pray
This point has helped may young ladies I have been around. Sarah Malley, in her book "Before You Meet Prince Charming" (a book I strongly recommend reading!) talks about reciting a scripture verse in your head (such as Matthew 5:8 or 1 Timothy 4:12). Another thing that I would recommend is have a prayer for someone when you think of your crush (and I don't mean praying for your crush).
For example, if someone you know is in the hospital, every time you think of your crush you can pray for the person in the hospital.

5. Don't Show Him You Like Him
Don't go up to him and say you like him. Don't start talking about crushes to him. Then he will start thinking of you as a crush (or girlfriend) and may decide that he likes you, but may not yet want to go as far as getting to know you as a future spouse. Don't give him your phone number so he can call/text you because this will also encourage the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. This might be hard for some, and easy for others, but remember your crush will go away sooner if you do this!


But what if I don't want to get rid of my crush?

First off, this thought is selfish.
If you are not old enough to be thinking of a husband, you are basically asking him to date you for no reason except for you to have fun NOW.

Second, the crush is distracting you from serving The King of Kings!
My family and I were sitting behind a group of teenagers with cell phones in Church. The pastor of our church was giving his sermon and the teens were obviously not paying attention. They were to busy texting and replying to texts from their boyfriend and girlfriend that they were missing the sermon. When the pastor asked us to pray with him, we could hear the clicking of their fingers tapping their cell phone's keyboard to text back a message. Now that I think back on it, the sermon was about being worshipers and not just observers on the outside. "Don't Just Go Though the Motions" was the theme of the whole sermon!

And third, a crush is not healthy if you are not old enough to be considering marriage.
It will chew away at you and direct your thoughts at that person instead of directing your thoughts at God, ways to serve Him, and others. Keeping it will only make it worse.

Crush- to force out by pressing or squeezing

So I suppose the word "crush" is correct for the term "I like someone". It forces (or squeezes) any thought of anyone else- The King or other wise- out of your head. It makes that person the center of your life.

Keep Praying and good luck to those who struggle!

Princess Catherine

Now What?, Part 2

I finished the last post with the question:

"He is your dream date. But is he your dream husband?"

What do I mean by that?

Remember how we talked about the list of requirements? (click here for the blog post: A List of Requirements) I am referring to that post. He might be a nice guy to date, but would you want to marry him? Does he measure up to all the "Needs" of your list? (Remember that the "waits" are not vital, they are just "wants") And remember too that we decided that dating was dangerous.

So what should we do instead of dating?

Before I answer this question, I must point out two things something.
1. We have become so dependant on dating that we have forgotten that it has only been around for a little while.
2. We have forgotten what people did before dating when they were interested in a member of the opposite gender.

Now that I have pointed that out, I shall answer the question:
Courting.

I know what you are thinking "Not courting! You have no fun when your court!" and things along that line. Stay with me!

Remember that getting to know a person before you marry them is not suppose to be "fun". It is about getting to know the person and seeing if you and he make a good team/match. When you are married you can't afford to go out to eat every day (or even every week); that money will be used for other things! And marriage will be hard at points, so why should life before you marry?

Now, back to courting.

Courting has 7 benefits over dating (it probably has more, but these are the things I can think of right now).

1. He asks your dad if he can court you

This means no asking the boy yourself! No worrying or sweating about what to say; that's his job. And the cool thing is if you don't like him, you can use your dad as an excuse! What do I mean by that? If you know this guy does not measure up to your requirements (your Needs, not wants) or if you just don't like him, you can ask your dad to shoo him away for you. You don't have to do a thing! If your dad is not available, ask a brother or your mom. They can help too!

2. You get to know him in a friendly atmosphere

You can watch him interact with other people other than yourself. How does he react when he is happy, excited, angry, frustrated, or sad? How does he act with other females? What qualities does he have when not being on his best behavior? These are all things that you can do when not on a date.

3. You get to know him in a family atmosphere

Most of the time with dating you want to be alone, or with other couples that are dating or going on the same date. But what about his family? How does he treat his sister and what respect does he show his mother? Does he honor his father's authority? Does the family think highly of him? The way he treats his sister and the respect he shows his mother will be the same way (not the exact same, but similar) he treats you. If he honors his father's authority he will also honor your father and it shows that he respects authority. If his family thinks highly of him it shows that he has good qualities. They would know; they've lived with him.

4. You get to know him when you are not wearing your "Rose Colored Glasses"

You can see him in real life, not behind glass. How does he handle his money? Does he tithe to the Church? Does he have a job that can support you and any possible children you might have?Would he be a good husband/father? Is he ready to get married? These facts usually go unnoticed or unchallenged when couples are dating. But they need to be addressed. These are things that are important and we are just letting them slip by and pass it as "we are just having fun".

5. He gets to know you

He gets to know about how you act in a friendly atmosphere. He gets to know about your family life. He gets to know how you handle your money, would you be a good wife/mother, and whether or not you are ready to get married.

6. You get to be yourself around him

He knows about your family. He knows how you act in a friendly atmosphere where all your attention is not on him. He knows how you handle your money, knows if you would be a good wife/mother and if you are ready to marry or if he and you should wait. You don't have to worry if your hair is not completely perfect or your make-up is too much or to little. You don't have to worry about what you are wearing all the time or if you match. You don't have to clean up your room so it is spotless 'cause he knows you are messy! What a relief! You don't have to act perfect anymore! You can't act perfect because you are not perfect! I'm not either and neither is he! You don't have to pretend around him. Just be you. You can be you around him!

7. You won't give some of your heart away

Remember the cake? Remember us being the princesses? (if not, click here: Is Dating Dangerous? Part 1)

You only court if you are planning to marry him. So if you court you are ready to get married, right? And he is ready too. He is not planning to dump you; he really means the "Until death do we part" section of the marriage vow, and so should you. Sometimes courting couples decide not to marry or continue courting, but it is not for silly reasons like in dating. It is for real reasons, not some excuse of a reason like in dating. Having the idea that when you court you are considering him for marriage is better than dating. Why? Because with dating you are expected to break up and it is almost never the intent to marry, or, at least, not for a while (see the blog post "Is Dating Dangerous? Part 1" for more details), while in courting you are prepared to get married.

So, courting has at least 7 Benefits that dating does not. Now, I am not saying that you can't go (every once and a while) hang out by yourselves, but why would you want to? What does he (or you) have to tell the other person alone that he can't tell in front of his (or your) parents? It might be nice to be alone with him, but if you are planning on marrying him (and that is the only reason you court him) you will have time to be alone with him.

Keep Blooming!

Princess Catherine WhiteRose